Unusual Things Intended Parents Ask of Surrogates
Gestational Surrogacy is a very complex process; it is deeply personal and there may be random questions or less usual requests that intended parents ask of surrogates. The type of questions or requests that an intended parent may have can vary greatly depending on personality, culture, and familiarity with the gestational surrogate. Here are some unusual things that IPs might ask of their surrogates (these may not all be typical or appropriate).
Lifestyle Choices
Some intended parents inquire about a surrogate’s lifestyle choices and request that the surrogate stop doing something just because they don’t like it. For instance, the way the surrogate dresses. An intended parent might ask their surrogate not to dress a certain way or express concern with how she presents herself. This is more common when there is a cultural difference.
The intended parents may ask the surrogate not to dye her hair, have a manicure, or have a pedicure. Some intended parents might be worried there are fumes that could affect the pregnancy and ask the surrogate not to be in a salon environment.
Intended parents may request that the gestational carrier not have her cell phone or laptop anywhere near her midsection due to being exposed to radiation that is thought to be emitted by cell phones and laptops.
Holiday and Family Gatherings
There are intended parents who may ask their surrogate not to see family during the holidays because they believe it could impact the pregnancy. For instance, if she was at a large family gathering and someone happened to not be feeling well the intended parent might worry that the surrogate would contract the same illness. So, the intended parents may ask that the surrogate not attend any large events including holidays and family gatherings.
Home Environment
Some intended parents might want information about the surrogate’s home environment, including how clean it is. This leads to privacy concerns and the surrogate is entitled to and deserves her own personal autonomy. If she is asked and is willing to provide information such as a video call with the intended parents at their request and has no problem allowing the intended parents into her home environment, then it is acceptable. For some gestational carriers this could feel as if the intended parents don’t trust them. Trust is very important in any relationship but specifically in this one.
Dietary Restrictions
Some intended parents may ask surrogates to follow a very specific diet. For instance, an intended parent may request that their surrogate only eat organic foods. They may request their surrogate does not eat pork, consume high fructose corn syrup, not drink any milk and no dairy, and only use olive oil for cooking. This isn’t necessarily an unusual request, but it can cause a much larger monthly grocery bill so should be accounted for thoughtfully.
It is crucial for both surrogates and IPs to maintain respectful and clear communication. It is important that boundaries are established early to ensure both parties feel comfortable and respected throughout the surrogacy process. When you are working with an agency as a surrogate, the agency can help navigate through any less usual things that are asked of the surrogate.