Looking back on all my three surrogacy journeys, honestly, has been humbling. People reading this might think of how wonderful I am, but I see all the struggles and emotions I had. I would be lying if I told you it was all sunshine and rainbows, but that result of a baby made all those hard times worth it.

On my first journey, I went in big. We transferred two embryos and got two babies, but that did come with complications that I never would have imagined would impact me the way it did. The second time around was smooth like butter, but a new set of intended parents were pretty much clueless when it came to babies or how IVF worked. The third time around was a textbook perfect journey, but you would think by that third time around I should be a professional. With the third journey I had different emotions and things that bugged me. Nothing is ever perfect, right? There was something to be learned from each journey, and there was always an impact on me and my family for each journey.

Back in 2017 when I started the surrogacy process, I was blind to it all; I wanted to give a gift so big I didn’t care how I did it. So, like anyone, I googled surrogacy and because of my location, I got a few different agencies.  I picked the first one that came up and started the process. Fast forward a few months and many appointments later, I became pregnant with twins for a couple that was local in my area. A sweet husband and wife, they already had been through so much struggle and trauma before meeting me. We all were so excited that the transfer worked and the pregnancy was going great. As mentioned above, nothing is ever perfect. At a routine ultrasound at 28 weeks they checked my cervix and it said I was ready to have a baby, but all of us were not, even the babies! So off to the hospital I went, the waterworks in full effect – thank goodness for an agency case manager to cry to on the way and during! I was in the hospital for about a week doing everything to keep those babies in, and I did. Every week was a huge milestone and we made it past full term for twins. I delivered two healthy babies and tears of joy were shed by everyone. Looking back now those small bumps in the road brought me closer to the parents and made me thankful for all the help I had surrounding me. 

Now if that first journey didn’t scare me enough, I decided I wanted to go back for round two. I was much more informed and educated this time around, but it was still a brand-new adventure and a different set of intended parents. This is where I want to thank my agency for the time and effort they take in matching surrogates and intended parents. It is almost like a superpower because I meshed so well with both sets of my intended parents. My second set of intended parents were a same sex couple that did not live locally to me. That meant they were not able to be at every appointment with me, but as first-timers to being parents and to the entire IVF and pregnancy process they were a bit clueless about everything. All they knew is they didn’t want to know the sex of the baby. At the very first heartbeat appointment where all you can see is a blob and a heartbeat, that was the first comment to the doctor. After being informed that it was too early to tell the gender of the baby they started to educate themselves a bit more. Time went on and the baby grew and at 39 weeks I chose to be induced. I felt more pressure this time because the parents were away from home and I could see the stress it caused for them.  Also, I was so big I was ready to get my own body back! Educating the guys about pregnancy and how it all works was humbling, because as a woman and a mom, it came naturally to me, and I just assumed they were going to know. The guys went home with a happy healthy baby. Like anyone with siblings, you want to give your child to have that as well, so we immediately talked about doing just that. 

One year later, we started the process of a sibling journey. The third time is a charm, right? Well, it was. Everything went textbook perfect. The last and final journey was the best. Knowing it was going to be my last journey I had very different emotions about the smallest things. After the baby was born I got very sensitive. I became so upset that the guys did not understand the impact it took on me to go see them. I understood that getting a two-year-old and an infant out of the house was a lot for them, but not for a moment did they think about how hard it was for me to see them after having a baby.  I received a text from them that it was just going to be too hard for them to make it out to me for me to see the baby, and I lost it. By lost it, I mean I cried and just let it all out. My amazing husband was there to let me vent. At that point, I learned I just needed to be honest with them. I needed them to understand that a relationship is a two-way street and I felt it was a one-way. Before this baby was born, I would have just shoved it off as “well this sucks” and moved on, but I had different emotions this time.

Looking back on all of my surrogacy journeys, I grew a lot as a person and I built forever relationships for myself and my kids. The twins from my journey are now in school and very active little kids, and I am excited to see them keep growing into little humans that are going to do good in this world. My sweet second journey is just becoming their own toddling person. They are learning together how to be a family. The last baby brought me the confidence to be heard. That baby will always have a special place in my heart because I finally got the courage to let someone know that I needed someone to take an extra step for me.

If you want to create that family or even just want to talk to me about mine, reach out on our website.

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